Women Find Confidence in Opportunity

Money, class and education have a significant value in any society – it can determine one’s social standing; his future; his relationships. Especially in a culture where woman are seen as objects to be used and men are supposed to be the over-dominating, manipulative counterpart, any amount of wealth is power. The Dominican relationship pattern normally puts most of the control in the hands of the man to use and then cheat on his girlfriend or spouse, but we see a significant difference in the actions of the women who have some sort of future. Opportunity changes their whole persona: it gives them the confidence and the power to say no.

            Women throughout This is How You Lose Her have the typical Dominican tendency to submit every part of her to their man, except for those who have a path to opportunities in front of them. The independence and confidence we see so clearly in Magda and Paloma directly contrasts with the submission and manipulation we see in Nilda and Flaca. The difference? Magda has wealth, education, a future, and we see Yunior chasing after her as she rejects him again and again. Paloma was taking care of her family, taking honors classes, planned to go to college. “Paloma was convinced if she made any mistakes in the next two years, any mistakes at all, she would be stuck in that family of hers forever” (Díaz 155). She ended up going to University of Delaware with nothing but a letter titled MOVING ON.

            On the other hand, we have Nilda, whose mom is a drunk and who has next to no opportunities open to her, relying on her looks to find success. She finds her value in sleeping with older men, including Rafa. Tammy Franco is another doormat for Rafa, who sticks around with him even though she is abused. Although, if these women think that their value lies in nothing but their looks, they wouldn’t turn away from that to risk entering the overwhelming world of the United States.

            In a Dominican culture where most women role models act like Nilda, Tammy, and most other women in the book, it is opportunity that sheds light on the fact that these women are worth more than their bodies. Magda and Paloma, in their determination and motivation to stick to their morals and goals, showcase their power in their relationships with Yunior. It’s amazing to see the power that a little bit of wealth and a little bit of hope can have on one’s entire personality and confidence – it allows them to value themselves and defend themselves from manipulation.