The Destructive Power of Dominican Masculinity

Throughout all of his works, Diaz depicts a contradiction in the behavior of Dominican women. The Dominican women surrounding Yunior have seemingly strong personalities, yet they fall victim to the destruction of men. Diaz depicts women who lose themselves because of the actions of men. In This is How You Lose Her, we see this in Magda and Nilda. Both women are far from the hopeless romantic, naïve type. Yet, both women are wrecked by their relations with Yunior and his family. Why is it that men have such strong influence over the fate of women in this novel? It is clear that he is depicting that not only does this sexually aggressive behavior of Dominican men make them masculine, but it also assures their control over the women around them.

Yunior initially describes Magda as “the nerd every librarian knows”(5). She is a “forgiving soul” and is adamant about assuring Yunior of her love (5). Magda dotes on her beau, while Yunior uses much harsher words and talks in a more sexualized way. Magda is a polar opposite to the adult Yunior we have seen in The Brief and Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao. Everything she does at the novel’s onset is out of some pure kind of love that is rare for Diaz’s work. However, because of Yunior’s actions, she is changed. Magda “started turning into a different Magda” (6). She “cuts her hair, buys better makeup, rocks new clothes” and starts listening to the opinions of her girlfriends rather than her own feelings. However, after Yunior displays his Dominican masculine behavior of sexual aggression, Magda becomes a different woman altogether. Dominican masculinity is so far-reaching that it changes the essence of who this character is. Magda loses her gentle nature and becomes more abrasive. She does not accept Yunior’s love easily and treats him with the bitterness his betrayal planted in her heart.

Nilda’s chapter opens with “Nilda was my brother’s girlfriend. This is how all these stories begin” (29). By beginning her story with this statement, Yunior is commenting on how the “story” of most Dominican women’s lives unfolds. It always begins with a man. In this case, Rafa is the perpetrator. It is interesting that Yunior recognizes his gender’s blame in the grand scheme of it all. This truly speaks to the novel’s message and helps to explain “how he lost her.” Nilda is initially described as “one of the quietest girls you’d ever meet” (29). However, after Nilda returns home from a group home, she changes. It is not coincidental that these changes occur alongside her sexual relations with “Tono and Nestor and Little Anthony from Parkwood” (30). Nilda conforms to her typical Dominican role as being something to be desired, a sexual being. Having run away from home, Nilda is seemingly desperate for affection and intimacy at this point and in Dominican culture, sex and intimacy seem to go hand in hand. After this sexual awakening, Nilda begins wearing sweatpants and iron maiden t-shirts. Instead of being quiet Nilda that Yunior watched from afar, she becomes someone hopping from man to man trying to find security. Similar to Magda, Nilda dotes on Rafa and longs to have an actual connection with him. She tells him about her dreams, but he simply blows her off. Yunior imagines what Rafa is thinking when the two are intimate and simply says, “Ain’t nothing like a fifteen-year-old with a banging body…” (36). Thus, once again, a woman is denied real affection and settles for sexuality, wrecking her compassionate nature. It is quite clear that Nilda never really moves on after her relationship with Rafa ends. Similar to other female Diaz characters, her growth is stunted by her relations with men.
Thus, through his female characters and this novel as a whole, Diaz is presenting the norm of Dominican masculinity as illogical. Diaz is sympathizing with the Dominican women who have been broken down my the aggression and betrayal of men.